Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues: When Your Partner Won’t Attend

There is no “typical” length of treatment or number of sessions for individual relationship therapy.

The length of therapy depends on the severity of your problems, your goals, and how consistently you attend sessions.

Some clients come for a short period to work through a specific issue, while others engage in longer-term work to change deeper patterns – which may have been rooted for years or even decades.

I encourage most clients to plan for a minimum of 8-12 sessions of therapy, at which point we will assess your progress and determine if you’ve reached your goals or if further treatment may be needed.

Ultimately the decision to end therapy is up to you. I will give recommendations and guidance on this if you’re unsure.

See my blog post to help get the most out of your therapy. This post is written for couples but the same principles apply to help you get the most out of individual relationship therapy:

5 Ways to Maximize Your Time in Couples Therapy

Most clients start therapy by attending sessions once per week.

Weekly sessions help build momentum and keep continuity between your sessions.

In some cases, clients attend every other week due to scheduling or financial constraints. However, meeting less frequently can slow progress, particularly in the early stages.

If you’re in a relationship crisis, more consistent sessions at the beginning are often more effective.

Over time, as things stabilize, sessions may be spaced out based on your progress and goals.

Individual therapy sessions are focused, one-on-one conversations tailored to your specific situation, goals, and relationship concerns.

Sessions are typically 50, 90, or 120 minutes, depending on what you choose.

What happens in the first session?

The first session is focused on understanding your situation and clarifying what you want to change.

We’ll talk about:

• Your relationship history and current challenges
• Patterns that feel stuck or painful
• How these issues are affecting you
• What you want to be different

From there, we’ll define clear goals for the work.

What happens in ongoing sessions?

Ongoing sessions focus on helping you understand and change the patterns that are keeping you stuck.

This may include:

• Identifying recurring conflict or communication patterns
• Understanding emotional reactions and triggers
• Challenging unhelpful beliefs
• Practicing new ways of responding in real situations
• Problem-solving issues as they come up week to week

The goal is not just insight but making meaningful changes in how you think, respond, and make decisions.

Is there homework between sessions?

Sometimes.

You may be given optional exercises or reflections to help you apply what we discuss, but this is not required. The focus is on what is most useful and realistic for you.

In some cases, it may be helpful to include a partner or family member for a specific session. However, this is always your choice.

Individual therapy remains focused on your needs, and you decide whether anyone else is involved.

Yes, in some cases.

If your situation changes or your partner becomes open to participating, we may decide to transition into couples therapy or another format that better fits your goals. 

If we transition to couples therapy, the individual therapy must end to keep our therapy relationship balanced.

If your partner becomes open to couples therapy later – they may be more comfortable seeing a new therapist instead of someone you’ve worked with individually.  This is common and I fully support this.

Individual therapy can also help if you’re dating and noticing repeated patterns in relationships – such as choosing similar partners, struggling with communication, or feeling stuck in the same dynamics.

While much of my work focuses on couples and relationships in distress, this work can still help you understand patterns early and approach future relationships differently.

Yes, including:

• Relationship problems with family members (e.g., estrangement)
• Relationship transitions – support through divorce, transition to parenthood
• Role strain – work/life balance between your roles as a spouse, parent, caregiver for an aging parent, busy professional, etc

The particular model of therapy that I use for individual therapy depends on your presenting concerns. My primary models include:

• Bowen Family Systems
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
• Gottman’s Principles for Singles
• Solution-Focused Therapy