Phrases for Solving Problems as a Couple

You know those ‘perfect couples’ you see on social media? They’re lying.

Underneath the perfect online appearance are many arguments and passive-aggressive comments to get on the same page (at least long enough to appear perfect, haha!).

Photo by cottonbro studio

Problem-solving is one of the toughest challenges for most couples.

But there’s no way to avoid this important skill. Because to make your union last, you must have serious discussions in order to make important decisions together, or to resolve problems.

Here are some phrases that can help these conversations go smoothly:

• “Our relationship is important to me. I believe we can figure this out.” –> Sets a positive tone for a problem-solving conversation
• “Can we agree on some ground rules for this conversation?” –> Establishes structure to prevent potential communication breakdowns
• “Let’s focus on solving this problem, not on blaming each other.” –> Reminds you both to attack the problem, not each other
• “Let’s brainstorm some ideas.” –> Invites you both to propose creative solutions
• “Let’s focus on finding a solution that we both agree on.” –> Emphasizes the desire to make you both happy
• “Is there a solution that works for both of us? If not, is one of us willing to sacrifice this time?” –> Acknowledges that there may not be a possible compromise solution
• “I know you feel more strongly about this issue. What do you think we should do?” –> Gives your partner decision-making power on a specific issue

Photo by Thirdman

• “I’m open to exploring solutions but I’m not comfortable with [solution/behavior/situation].” –> Expresses your personal boundaries in a respectful way
• “Let’s create a temporary plan to address this and reevaluate how well it worked in [specific timeframe, e.g. 3 months].”
• “Even though we disagree, I still value our relationship.” –> Creates a positive tone and a reminder of what’s most important

All of these phrases are most effective when delivered with a genuine and calm tone of voice.

If these don’t sound natural for you, try putting them into your own words.

Body language also plays a crucial role. Create a safe and respectful space for communication by maintaining eye contact, avoid crossing your arms, and use open and inviting gestures.

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano

If you’re using these phrases during a text conversation try including emojis to help clarify your tone.

Now go forth and resolve your problems as confident and strong team!

Be sure to also check out:

Phrases for Diffusing Relationship Arguments