Should I Share My Relationship Problems with Family and Friends?

This is not an easy question and totally depends on the specific dynamics of your marriage or long-term relationship. Be sure to keep this in mind when applying these tips!

Times to Share

If you are in an abusive relationship, sharing the problems you’re facing can very well help keep you, as well as your kids and pets, alive and safe. But use extreme caution when you do!

The National Domestic Violence Hotline recommends telling someone you trust about your relationship abuse and they offer super useful tips on staying safe. Their site offers a way to reach out for help via text, online chat, or by phone.

There’s even a tool to develop your personalized safety plan.

Another time to share your relationship problems would be if you’re worried about your partner’s mental health. Like if you believe they may be at risk for harming themselves or even harming others.

Sharing your concerns with someone you trust can help you manage the situation emotionally and keep your partner, and their potential targets, safe.

times to avoid sharing

In my experience as a couples therapist, if your relationship is generally healthy with few problems I don’t recommend spilling the tea with your family and friends.

Why?

Photo by mikoto.raw

Because it’s too easy for those in the know to take sides regarding the problems and/or develop a negative perception of your partner based on one-sided information.

Also, you have no control over what happens once you share personal relationship stuff with someone else which means you run the risk of your problems being gossiped about to others without your knowledge.

As a therapist, I’ve seen this happen many times over and almost always, the original story gets skewered and twisted just like in a game of telephone.

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If you’re seeking emotional support for common relationship problems like bad communication, conflict over parenting, and even cheating, it may work better to confide in someone bound by confidentiality (like a mental health clinician or member of the clergy).

Or within someone you trust whose not so close to the situation, like an old friend who your partner doesn’t also have contact with versus a mutual friend or your family (which may be your partner’s current or future in-laws).

This is not to say that you should completely hide relationship problems from close friends and family.

Especially from ones who are perceptive and sense when there is tension.

In these cases, sharing high level and vague info like “we’re having parenting problems and working through it” may work best and not violate the trust of your relationship.

When sharing on any level, be careful about confiding in people where more emotional intimacy could eventually cross boundaries and jeopardize your relationship.

A gradual slide from “just friends” to something more is how many affairs start. Just sayin.

TL;DR

• Yes, you absolutely should share your relationship problems with family and friends if you are in an abusive relationship and/or if there are concerns about self harm or harm to others.
• Barring the severe circumstances mentioned here, it’s generally not a great idea to share relationship problems in depth with family and friends.

Do you share your relationship problems with family or friends? If so, has it helped or hurt your situation?