Why Does One of Us Cry Every Time We Have a Relationship Conversation?

Whether it’s you who usually cries, or your partner, this can be frustrating, confusing, annoying, or even maddening.

Especially if you’re having a relationship conversation that’s going perfectly fine and no argument has broken out.

But there are reasonable explanations for this phenomenon. Here are just some.

HSP-ness

For one, if you tend to end up in tears you may be a “highly sensitive person” (HSP).

An HSP processes environmental information more deeply than others and is more sensitive to environmental stimuli (like emotional conversations).

Photo by Anna Shvets

If this is you, you have much more empathy (i.e., mirror neurons) than the average person. Consider it a social superpower! You feel everything more deeply than others. Both positive and negative emotions.

For instance, a heartwarming or dramatic movie might cause waterworks for you and leave those around you confused or amused.

“People differ considerably in how much their nervous system is aroused in the same situation, under the same stimulation.”

-DR. ELAINE ARON

If you’re an HSP and more openly expressive with your emotions, you may cry more easily during heavy relationship conversations.

Though the high empathy aspect has probably helped your relationship in many ways, it can also lead to you breaking out into tears or even sobbing if relationship conversations become intense.

Anxious Attachment Style

Your frequency of crying can also be related to an “anxious attachment style.” This is one of the insecure styles of “attachment” that humans may have.

Attachment theory deals with human relationships and how we bond to one another starting from childhood.

Photo by Phil Nguyen

Those with an anxious attachment style tend to doubt their own self worth, be jealous in romantic relationships, and fear abandonment. They may easily panic when conflict arises.

Their brain may interpret an argument as a threat to their safety – in this case their relationship safety and stability. This response isn’t rationale but can be very powerful!

If you have this style, you’ll tend to be more emotionally reactivity during relationship conversations, which may more easily lead to crying or other heightened displays of emotion like yelling or cursing.

On the other hand, a dismissive or avoidant attachment style can lead to less crying than other attachment styles.

Hormones

Another explanation is related to hormone differences. According to the American Psychological Association, “testosterone may inhibit crying, while the hormone prolactin (seen in higher levels in women) may promote it.” (Source)

Yes, there are actual biological reasons why women may cry more than men. Also, cultural norms around emotional expression can affect this such that, as a man, you’re crying would be just as socially acceptable as a woman crying.

Remember…

If one of you cries during most or every relationship conversation, the other should view this as an emotional release which is all it is!

It is not as a personal defect, manipulative behavior, or weakness. Looking at it in these ways takes the focus off the issue at hand and tends to make the crying partner feel ashamed and less emotionally safe in the relationship.

Unless the crier is Meryl Strep, this behavior is not acting and something the crier usually cannot help.

When the tears flow, just keep working through the conversation and trust that the crying will end when it needs to. It can be that simple.

TL;DR

• Though not an exhaustive list, crying often may be a sign of being a highly sensitive person (HSP), having a particular attachment style, or due to one’s hormonal makeup.
• Crying during most or all of your relationship conversations doesn’t have to become a relationship problem, depending on how the crying is handled by you as a couple (or throuple, etc).

Do you tend to be the crier in your relationship? If so, leave a comment about why and when it happens for you!