Post-Session Rituals for Couples Therapy

What’s a Post-Session Ritual?

It’s a behavior that you make into a habit that you’ll do after each of your therapy sessions.

Why Do It?

Because it can help you and your partner transition out of your therapy session and into the rest of your day.

It’s especially useful because it can help let go of any negative or heavy energy that you felt during your session that you’d rather let go of now that the session is over.

For couples, this means that you can better tackle the things you need to handle as a team – like getting the kids off to practice, or planning what’s for dinner – without a grudge for difficult things that may have been discussed during your therapy session.

Keep in mind, this looks so much easier in print than it is to do in real life. But with practice, it’ll help you compartmentalize your session and move forward until you’re both able to discuss relationship issues again.

Keep in mind that having a post-session ritual isn’t just to let go of negative energy. When you have therapy sessions and come out feeling more at ease, more hopeful, or accomplished for resolving a tough issue, option #1 of the post-session ritual can help you solidify those gains and reflect on how good you’re feeling about things!

Post-Session Ritual Ideas, based on how much time you have

Option #1: The Full Recap (10-15 min)

Take a walk together and discuss the key take away points from your session.

If the weather is crappy or a quick walk outside isn’t possible for some other reason, stay indoors but put away screens of any kind and focus on each other for these 10- 15 minutes. That means eye contact!

If new insight was gained, recap what you learned and how it makes you feel to have learned this. If new behaviors were agreed upon, recap what you’ll each do to try those new behaviors and how you’ll hold yourself (and/or each other) accountable.

If any decisions were made, recap each of your understanding of that decision and the most immediate steps you’ll both need to take. Ask any necessary follow-up questions to avoid assumptions about next steps.

For example:

“It sounds like we agreed to not travel to see family for the holidays this year because it’s just too stressful. We each agreed to reach out to our parents to let them know. When should we have this part done by? End of this week?”

Another example:

“I understand that we’ve agreed we need to talk to our in-laws about their behavior around the kids. We need to set up a time with them. Are we clear on which of us will reach out to them to get the ball rolling and by when?”

option #2: The Quick Share (5 min)

When you don’t have much time at all, consider option #2 here.

With this ritual, you take turns sharing just two things.

First, how you’re feeling in that very moment after your therapy session ended. Only give 1 or 2 emotion words here and leave it at that. Here are examples of emotion words you might feel:

• relieved
• hopeful
• angry
• sad
• fearful
• unloved
• misunderstood
• hopeless
• uncertain
• dismissed

Second, share what you need from your partner, if anything, to let go of the session and move onto the rest of your day. Here are examples of needs you might have:

• reassurance
• comfort
• space and time alone
• more conversation later that day
• physical affection

For example:

“I feel more understood by you now. I don’t need anything from you to move on with the rest of our day. Thank you for really hearing me out!”

“I feel exhausted after that session. I need space to be alone until bedtime. Thank you for giving me this.”

“I feel really scared and worried about our relationship after that session. I need a reassuring hug from you before we get into the rest of the day.”

”I feel very curious after that session. I need us to talk a bit more about what came up – if not now, then this weekend. Maybe Saturday morning?”

option #3: The Shelving Option (1-2 min)

This is the fastest option of them all. Though not the ideal option, this may necessary if you’re a couple who leads a super busy life together.

Use this option when you have essentially no transition time between your appointment and the next thing you need to do in your day (e.g., get the kids to practice, head into a work meeting, cook dinner, get to another appointment).

Here, you both simply acknowledge that there may be some things to follow up on after your session but there’s no time to get to it at the moment. Reassure each other that you’ll come back to it later and try to specify when “later” will be.

For example:

“Let’s try a full recap (option #1) tonight after the kids are in bed.”

Feel free to come up with your own rituals that fit your personalities and lifestyles!