Phrases for Diffusing Relationship Arguments

Ever get that feeling that a normal conversation just became an argument in the blink of an eye?

It’s like, one moment you’re driving down the road fully in control of your car and the next you’ve found yourself in a deep ditch with no idea how you landed there!

Photo by Diva Plavalaguna

To be clear, EVERY relationship ever has conflict. The key is how you manage it.

Here are some phrases that can help deescalate things when you sense that an argument is brewing or has already begun:

• “I appreciate you sharing your feelings with me.” –> Validates your partner’s emotions
• “I understand you’re upset, and I’m willing to listen to your concerns.” –> Encourages empathy and understanding
• “Let’s take a break and come back to this when we’re both calmer.” –> Allows for a cooling-off period
• “I’m sorry if I said something that hurt you.” –> Acknowledges your partner’s hurt even if you didn’t mean to cause it
  

  Photo by Alena Darmel

• “This isn’t getting us anywhere. Let’s step away for a while and try again when we’re both feeling calmer.” –> Calls out the unproductive nature of the argument and allows for a cooling-off period
• “I’m sorry if I’m not being the best listener right now. I’m (insert your reason; for example, very tired, hungry, distracted.)” –> Acknowledges your bad listening and suggests a later time may be better
• “I hear what you’re saying, and I understand your point of view.”  -> Acknowledges your partner’s perspective without necessarily agreeing.
• “Let’s try to see this from each other’s point of view.” –> Encourages empathy and collaboration
• “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Can we discuss this later?” –> Allows for a cooling-off period
• “Let’s take a break and come back to this with fresh perspectives.” –> Suggests a more positive approach to resolving the issue

All of these phrases are most effective when delivered with a genuine and calm tone of voice.

If these don’t sound natural for you, try putting them into your own words but be careful to avoid blame and try to avoid the word “you.”

Body language also plays a crucial role.

Photo by Nabil Barry

Create a safe and respectful space for communication by maintaining eye contact, avoid crossing your arms, and use open and inviting gestures.

If you’re using these phrases during a text conversation try including emojis to help clarify your tone.😊

Photo by MART PRODUCTION

Lastly, stay away from behaviors that ramp up arguments like name-calling, raising your voice, and assumptions.