You may benefit from therapy if your relationship feels stuck, painful, or uncertain – and your usual ways of handling it aren’t working.

Common signs include:

• The same arguments keep happening without resolution
• Communication breaks down or escalates quickly
• You feel emotionally disconnected, resentful, or alone in the relationship
• Trust has been damaged and hasn’t repaired
• You’re questioning whether to stay or leave

You don’t have to be in crisis to seek help. Many people come to therapy because they’re tired of repeating the same patterns and want a different way forward.

If your partner is not willing to attend, you can still start individually. Individual relationship therapy can help you understand the dynamic, change how you respond, and get clearer about your options.

Choosing a couples therapist is less about finding someone you “like” and more about finding someone who is a strong fit for your specific situation.

The most important factors to consider are:

1. Do they specialize in your situation?

Not all therapists are trained to work with high-conflict couples or relationships on the brink of divorce.

In fact, most therapists (except for Licensed MFTs) aren’t trained to work with couples at all.

If your relationship involves frequent arguments, emotional distance, or uncertainty about staying together, look for a therapist who specifically works with those dynamics – not just “couples” in general.

2. Are they clear about their approach?

A good therapist should be able to explain how they work and what you can expect from the process.

For example:

• Some therapists focus mostly on communication skills
• Others focus on deeper patterns and emotional dynamics
• Discernment counseling is a different approach entirely, designed for couples unsure about whether to stay or separate

Clarity here helps you avoid wasting time and money in the wrong type of therapy.

3. Do you feel comfortable but also challenged?

Feeling comfortable matters, but it’s not the only factor.

Effective therapy often involves difficult conversations and honest feedback. A good fit means you feel respected and understood but also guided and challenged when needed.

4. Can you start even if your partner won’t join?

If your partner is unwilling to attend, look for a therapist who works with individuals on relationship issues.

You don’t have to wait for your partner to begin. Individual work can help you better understand the dynamic, shift patterns, and decide what to do next.

5. Are they licensed and qualified?

Make sure your therapist is licensed in your state and has experience working with relationship issues.

My license number in Virginia is 0717001389. You may use the below link for online therapist verification.

A practical tip:

It’s okay to speak with more than one therapist before deciding. A brief consultation can help you get a sense of their style, approach, and whether they feel like the right fit for your situation.

If you’re not sure where to start:

If you’re deciding between couples therapy, individual therapy, discernment counseling, or premarital counseling, a consultation can help you sort through your options and choose a direction that makes sense.

MFTs are licensed mental health professionals specifically trained in psychotherapy pertaining to family systems.

Unlike other mental health professionals, all Marriage & Family Therapists (MFTs) have specialized training in providing therapy for couples and families.

See here for detailed info on MFTs:

There is no “typical” length of treatment or number of sessions for couples therapy.

The length of therapy depends on the level of conflict, the goals of the couple, and how consistently you attend sessions.

Some couples come for a short period to work through a specific issue, while others engage in longer-term work to change deeper patterns – which may have been rooted for years or even decades.

I encourage most couples to plan for a minimum of 8-12 sessions of therapy, at which point we will assess your progress and determine if you’ve reached your goals or if further treatment may be needed.

If you are in crisis or considering divorce, discernment counseling is a short-term process designed to help you reach clarity more quickly.

Ultimately the decision to end therapy is up to you. I will give recommendations and guidance on this if you’re unsure.

See my blog post to help get the most out of your therapy:

5 Ways to Maximize Your Time in Couples Therapy

Most couples start therapy by attending sessions once per week.

Weekly sessions help build momentum, especially for high-conflict relationships or when there is urgency around deciding whether one partner wants to remain in the relationship.

In some cases, couples attend every other week due to scheduling or financial constraints. However, meeting less frequently can slow progress, particularly in the early stages.

If you’re in crisis or on the brink of divorce, more consistent sessions at the beginning are often more effective.

Over time, as things stabilize, sessions may be spaced out based on your progress and goals.

In short, the right schedule depends on your situation, but starting weekly gives you the best chance of making meaningful progress.

In many cases, you can begin therapy within a few days, depending on availability.

If you’re feeling ready – or there’s urgency in your relationship – it’s often helpful to start as soon as possible. Early momentum can make a difference, especially for high-conflict couples or those considering separation.

The first step is a free consultation, where we briefly discuss your situation and determine the best next step. After that, your first session is scheduled based on availability.

If you’re hoping to start quickly, please mention that when you reach out. I do my best to offer timely appointments when possible!

You can expect a response within 24 hours (excluding weekends and holidays).

My approach focuses on helping couples understand and change the patterns that keep them stuck – especially in high-conflict relationships or when the future of the relationship is uncertain.

Rather than only teaching communication skills, I look at the deeper emotional and behavioral patterns between you. This includes how you respond to conflict, how disconnection develops, and how each partner contributes to the dynamic.

In our work together, you can expect:

• Clear feedback about patterns that are not working
• Practical tools to improve communication and reduce conflict
• Guidance in slowing down reactive cycles and responding differently
• Support in rebuilding trust and emotional connection when possible

If one or both of you are unsure about staying in the relationship, we may shift the focus toward clarity and decision-making rather than trying to fix the relationship right away.

What I Believe About Change

Change in relationships happens when both insight and action are present.

Understanding your patterns is important but lasting change comes from actively responding differently in real time.

This means:

• Taking responsibility for your role in the dynamic
• Being willing to try new ways of communicating and responding
• Staying engaged even when conversations are difficult

At the same time, you are not starting from scratch. Every client brings strengths into therapy, and part of the process is building on what is already working.

My role is to provide a structured, respectful environment where you feel supported – but also challenged to make meaningful changes.

Therapy Models I Draw From

My work is informed by established, research-based approaches, including:

• Gottman Method Couples Therapy
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for couples
• Bowen Family Systems Theory
• Solution-Focused Therapy

For premarital couples, I also use the Prepare/Enrich program.

These models guide the work but the focus is always on what will be most effective for your specific situation.

See here for the main issues I help clients resolve:

See here for specific FAQs about couples therapy:

See here for specific FAQs about premarital couples therapy:

Yes. However…

If your partner is unwilling to do couples therapy, let’s discuss your specific situation. Oftentimes, talking with a therapist before starting addresses most concerns.

If your partner is strongly resistant and a firm “no,” you can do individual relationship therapy (see below).

In some cases, this helps shift the dynamic enough that the relationship becomes more satisfying for both partners. It also may open to door to your partner being open to participating later.

If you’re both on board with starting together – but also hoping to get individual session time – I always offer both partners this opportunity early in the couples therapy process. 

And by design, discernment counseling involves more individual session time than traditional couples therapy.

Couples therapy can help if both partners are willing to look honestly at the relationship and make changes in how they communicate and respond to each other.

It is especially useful for:

• High-conflict couples who feel stuck in repeated arguments
• Couples experiencing emotional distance or disconnection
• Partners trying to rebuild trust after a rupture

If one partner isn’t able to fully commit to couples therapy because they’re unsure about staying in the relationship, discernment counseling may be a better starting point than traditional therapy.

When one partner is leaning toward leaving and the other wants to stay, traditional couples therapy is often not the best first step.

Discernment counseling is specifically designed for this situation. It helps couples slow things down, gain clarity, and decide whether to:

• Work on the relationship
• Move toward separation
• Or take more time to decide

This process focuses on decision-making, not fixing the relationship right away.

High-conflict couples often bring the same patterns into the therapy room and that’s expected.

Part of the work is slowing those patterns down, helping both partners feel heard, and creating a different way of responding to each other.

You don’t need to “fix” your conflict before starting therapy. That’s what therapy is for.

This is more common than people expect.

Not all therapy approaches are the same, and not all therapists specialize in high-conflict or brink-of-divorce situations.

If previous therapy felt unhelpful, part of our work is understanding what didn’t work – and approaching things differently.